Your Very Own Attic Ant Farm

Haven't you always wanted your very own attic ant farm? Complete with holes from which an entire colony of ants may constantly stream into your living room? This allows for hours of family fun watching the weaker of the species plunge to their deaths on the floor below (Or could it be their version of suicide? Interesting question to ponder.). Haven't you been yearning for just this kind of entertainment? Nah, me neither. But, though the pile of dead ants scattered across the linoleum only means yet another mess to clean up, there is an up side. After you finish hoovering up the dead ones, and you find their hiding place, you get the unusually satisfying pleasure of suctioning up the lives ones, too. Sadistic, I know, and we don't really even want to think about what they do once inside the vacuum bag, but after the particularly hellish day I've had child-wise, I received a devilish thrill from watching their little legs loosen one by one from the wall and ceiling. I felt a sense of triumph in seeing them disappear from sight and imagining them propelled through the metal hose into the dark depths of the vacuum bag, never to be seen again (or at least not until they regain their senses and tunnel their way back out the hose). Since you can only go so far in punishing your children (calling the Terminator out for a visit is definitely out of the question: "Be good or I'll be back."), and you can't very well go kicking the dog, a bit of insect torture can be soothing and therapeutic. And, besides, that ought to teach the little critters to invade my home!

Seriously, though, if anyone knows of a good ant repellent that is not likely to kill or otherwise harm my children (and that I can get into the ceiling, I'd be much obliged.